In Times Of Need

I've been going through a personal crisis recently, not realizing that Mom was lucid enough to understand what was going on.  But just like in past situations, Mom seems to come to her mind when she intuitively senses something is not right with me<though I try hard to hide it from her>  She looked so worried and troubled the other day.  I asked her what was wrong, not really thinking she would be able to express to me what she wanted to say.  But she said,"I want to know what is going on".  With as little detail as possible, I told her.  Her brow unfurrowed and a look of such compassion overcame her face, and she became the caregiver once again.  She got teary eyed and put her hand on mine.  The next day she had another stroke and though stable, I regained my role again as the  caregiver.

Isn't This My Funeral

A couple years ago:  ME- Who are you talking to, Mom?  MOM- These people are preparing for the funeral, and I'm telling them what to do.  ME- Who's funeral?  MOM- Well, this is my funeral isn't it?  Aren't I here in the casket?  I want one of my pink dresses to match the casket, but I don't have any shoes to match.  ME- You won't be needing shoes; your feet won't be showing.  MOM- Yes they will!  And I don't want my hands to show.  ME- Ok, Mom.  MOM- I want you to sing like you did at Dad's funeral.  ME-  I can't promise that, it might be too emotional for me.  MOM- Well then for sure, the girls.  ME-  I can't promise that either, but perhaps we can prerecord something and play it there.  MOM- Well, I guess, but I'd rather you do it in person.  ME- But this is not your funeral.  You're right here in your house, in your room, in your bed, and I'm right here with you.  MOM- Well, I'm ready to go; you know I have outlived my body.  I never thought I would live this long.  ME-  Maybe it's cause I needed you here, so how about staying a little longer.  MOM- I guess I don't have a choice, do I?  ME-  I love you Mom!

Slip Sliding Away

Mom has unintentionally figured out how to get out of her automatic lift recliner. She likes to feel things in her hands ( sheets, blankets, ribbons, cups, etc..) When she finds the remote, she fiddles with it and sometimes it lifts her up and out. Kind of like when a child inadvertantly makes a long distance phone call on the phone. Mom has slid out of the chair 3 times now. We're going to have to hide the controls. Luckily she hasn't gotten hurt so far. We can't seem to leave her even for a couple of minutes now. She's too weak to actually get up on her own from the chair or the bed, but she has almost rolled out of the bed recently. I just don't want to restrain her.
It seems that lately she has just gotten better enough to be more confused and restless. Don't know the reason for all this.

Where's the Halloween Party?

About 4 years ago this season,after getting mom settled in bed, I went up to watch a movie with Dave. About halfway through, I took a break to get a drink and check on Mom. The front door was cracked and someone was frantically knocking and ringing the doorbell. I reluctantly answered. A neighbor woman was pointing down the street and said they were coming home from a party and Mom was laying in the street. They had already called 911. Mom was in her nightgown, but carrying her day clothes and shoes. She had been 'showing the imaginary people where the party was'. She was bruised and scrapped all down her right side and xrays showed her right cheek to be broken. It was at that time we put guard locks on the inside of all the doors and didn't leave her alone day or night. My self or one of my daughters began sleeping in her room at night. Before that we had a monitor system set up, but she had made no noise at all during her 'escape'.

Potty Training for Caregivers

I haven't felt like blogging lately. Sometimes there's not a lot to say that isn't depressing, so I'm going to write about something funny, but inappropriate that Kinsey and I have to laugh about instead of cry about... not to offend you or dishonor Mom in anyway. It's the kind of manipulation that parents do with each other, when they don't want to do the changing diapers or potty training and such. You might think it's cruel, but not anymore cruel than talking about your baby's diapering. Last week Kinsey text me to say, " Did you have to pump Mimi full of laxatives right before my shift?! We had a huge explosion here!" I had to literally laugh out loud...for a long time...all day! I text back, "Well, if you would just give her a small stool softener every day on your shift, I wouldn't have to do that."

Early Signs

I've been thinking about early signs of Alzheimer's Disease. I'm trying to remember when Mom's first symptoms began to surface. I know it was at least 2 years before the diagnosis, probably more like 3. She had always been a perfectionist and had a place for everything and everything was in it's place and clean to a tee. Her sense of smell and hearing was always highly acute. She never seemed to have dreams or at least to remember them. Her driving was excellent. All these things began to slowly change. I attributed it to the stress and toll of caring for Dad's long term illness with Parkinson's Disease for 15 years. She started misplacing things more and more, forgetting names of well known loved ones, having vivid dreams that she thought were real, losing her sense of smell and her hearing was worsening as well. She started getting frightened and confused in the evening and thinking someone was trying to break in her house. She would hide her purse and then couldn't find it when it was time to go out. She talked about seeing deceased loved ones and other people she didn't know in the night that scared her. Her driving worsened and she would fall asleep while driving. she would confuse household items like the phone and the remote.
She said she could here people climbing on the house and trying to break in every night. She became incontinent early. She would get Dad's pills mixed up and hers.
Besides stress, we thought her other conditions or their medications might be causing side effects. She has HBP, Diabetes, Congestive heart, Pace Maker, Knee replaced, and all kinds of medicines to combat those.
But the diagnosis came 7 months after Dad past away on Dave's birthday July 11. Mom got the fateful call in February.

The Old Days

I saw this picture as I was trying to organize my albums online; and it got me reminiscing about mom, when I was growing up. She was around 46 here. She had already retired from teaching. She was quite a seamstress and tried to teach me to sew, but I was always a little intimidated by how good she was. She took Cindy and me that summer to Singer to take professional lessons. Cindy, of course excelled in the craft. Me - not so much. She also practiced the piano and organ every day because she played for the church. Our house was always filled with music...if not her playing, or me practicing vocal lessons and piano lessons(which she also tried to teach me, but finally sent me to teacher in which I didn't exactly excel in, either) we had the hi-fi playing LPs all day. I remember Alpert and the Tiajuana Brass, the Mills Brothers(no relation), Movie Soundtracks, all kinds of Christmas albums, Classical, Instrumental, Pop Orchestra, Symphonies, etc. She was always working on a new craft, making flowers, macrame pot hangers, ceramics, etc.. Mother was very social - a member of a Methodist Ladies Bible Study, a Baptist Ladies Bible Study, a Ladies Birthday Club, a Couples Bridge Club, but she was always there to take me and my friends to the movies, swimming, to the mall, or to wrap boys houses and then back the next day to clean it up. She always let me have my girlfriends over night anytime I wanted and got to have several slumber parties, til we started trying to sneak out to jump on the trampoline, throw water balloons, or wrap houses in the middle of the night. Mom gave such wise advise about friendships and boys, but of course, I didn't always think it was wise at the time. She never gossiped or said anything bad about anyone, and always told me "If you can't say anything nice about a person, don't say anything at all".
Well, this trip down memory lane has been so fun, but I better come back to the present now and reality. Til next post.